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| confusion, and frustration |
| 08.31.04 (4:51 pm) [edit] |
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I don't know what I am doing anymore. I guess I haven't for several months. Last night at that meeting, we had to each introduce someone. (I despise the "Go around the room and tell us a little about yourself" game). My partner asked what my major was, I told her I was majoring in "I don't know what the hell I'm doing anymore." I should have told her I was majoring in headaches and nervous breakdowns. In her, and I guess normal people's world that translates to "Undecided/undeclared" which is what she told everyone I was. Damn, I'm hungry. And yes, I have eaten today. I'll forge for food in a little while. I guess what I really want is someone who understands the college, and who understands the careers in the artistic media industry, sit down with them, and say, "OK, here are some things that sound interesting to me. What is the best way to go about getting them here? And how am I supposed to break into that field later in life?" To have someone reassure me, tell me for once in this process that I am doing something right, and give me some good, genuine, well-informed help would be very very comforting and reassuring right now. I just don't know what to do anymore. I thought once I had a path, but I don't. I just need some guidance. I don't know if that entails an advisor, since I have not had much luck with advisors today. There are so many books out there on the things that I want to do. Of course, none of them seem to be in circulation at the library. All these books running a minimum of $20 on Amazon. Of course to buy 40 books on 4 or 5 different subjects is stupid. I worry that if my life has no direction, then I will end up settling and not being where I really want to be. I wish all this shit was behind me now. I just need-- I don't know. I need some dinner, is what I need. Big dinner. I haven't had my sugar product yet today, so I can get dessert tonight too. Current mood:   Hungry and mentally lost
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| 1 Comments |
| Shitty day |
| 08.31.04 (12:15 am) [edit] |
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The day started off fine. My stupid aunt called me at 7 in the fucking morning again. I was a little awake then. But I still didn't answer. I just shouted that she was evil. I had to go to Bio Lab this afternoon, which meant I didn't get anything for lunch but an energy drink and a bag of chips. (It was not my fault; I had an hour and a half to get my art crap, check my voicemail to see if the VPA lady called me, and get food, at that point I needed a shot in the arm more than i needed food, then I had class from 3:30-8:00, at which point the food things were closed). I talked to my life drawing teacher about attempting to get better than a "A more imagination than talent" revue. She told me the same old stuff I've heard before, "Come to every class, do the reading, do all the assignments." Well, i've heard that before. We'll see.:? The wonderful night crescendoed to my Art 1 class. This class is all about Art Careers, and success in the art program, one unit, credit no credit class. And I just was listening to the stuff he said, about how competitive the BFA program is (25 out of the whole group), don't even think about other majors, which I guess I sorta knew, but wasn't foremost on my mind, listening to how I should have not taken GE up front (thanks a heap, dumbass! I could go on about my feelings on General Education, but I won't). And I thought about reguardless of the amount of time I am going to be here, feeling negative about parking permits, textbook costs, and stupid little things like how the fire marshall said we can't put things on the door anymore:  In the end, I thought about how no teacher has ever thought that my drawings were A material, how I always "Have more imagination than talent," and how I am probably not in the top 25 of all the art students at SJSU. Here more specifically is my thought process: If I don't get into animation, then what? What am I supposed to do then? I feel like I have to be an art major. If I'm not, what then? All I am good at is art. That's all. And I've always thought I could be in that. If I'm not an art major, bound for some art career, then what? It means almost everything I thought about myself up to this point is a lie. If I settle on just my RTVF major, then that's just me settling like I feel like I settle on everything else. I couldn't wait for class to be over so that I could go back to my room and bawl. I called my dad, crying hard. He said now said he would be coming down on Wednesday to talk about stuff, like how, as he put it, "the odds are 1000 to one of getting accepted in the program" (if you figure that 25 people out of 25000 are accepted in the program). I called Jeremy, still in somewhat in tears, and told him why I was crying. He was very sweet to me. He wasn't a dork. He listened and was so good. I love him! I wasn't crying by the end of it. Then I had to sit through the hall meeting; I only went to show the RA the picture of the coral reef I printed out to paint on one of the walls in the study lounge. Then I talked to my mom. I talked to my mom because my dad told me she wanted to talk to me. She called me because my dad told her that I wanted to talk to her. Technically, I couldn't think of anything to say to her. I told her I was upset and that I was crying and why. And she started in with, "And how do you know you are not good enough?" She assumed that just because right then I felt negative about my chances that I wouldn't even try, which is not true. I'm still going to try and do my best. I'm just not super confident. And then she just criticized me for being negative all the time, generally, not being a happy person, and how she thought me having a boyfriend would just fix everything, (people who are completely ignorant may not know this, but the way a boyfriend can provide the biggest ego boost, is by actually having him within, let's say, 200 miles), how I have no confidence, and what did she do wrong? (Of course, nothing I say here can be right, I say, "It's not you, it's all my fault," that's wrong, if I say, "Well, you could be more supportive," that's wrong too. And for some reason, "look, I just had a little nervous breakdown, it's no big deal" isn't the right answer either). Also, she gets frustrated that because my dad lied to both of us, saying that we were both anxious to talk to one another, (only that's my fault; I was trying to be polite because my dad calls me a lot and I don't talk to my mom so much because there is not much to say). There was little to say in our conversation. In hindsight, I felt like I was doing most of the talking, except when she was being mad at me for momentarily and but severely depressed. And she got frustrated, "You can't talk to me! Jeremy's mom was right. You are hard to talk to. You talk to Bonnie alright, you talk to Jeremy's aunt all the time," (who told you I do that? Sometimes he sticks the phone in her face when he's talking to me, or she e-mails me a picture of Jeremy when he was younger, but we're not good buds. Incidentally, bringing Bonnie into all this, how immature on her part, showing how insecure she really has the potential to be). She got frustrated, the conversation ended with "good-bye" and her hanging up on me.:evil: I just felt like, "You know what? Fuck you, bitch! I've had a rough day, and all you can do is sit here and get in my face about being introverted, and a little depressed. It's bad enough I have to feel negative, but I don't need this shit from you making things worse." She just can't handle the fact that I am, or was hurting. My dad says, "That's bullshit, I'm coming down to San Jose so we can talk about this." Jeremy listens to what I say patiently and tries to make me feel better. Both of them outright say, "You make really nice paintings." My mom, after she virtually throws her arms in the air and says, "What am I supposed to do?!" and I say, "Maybe be more supportive?" she very insincerely goes through a laundry list of all the positive things she's said in the past about my art, "That picture of Jeremy is really good except the background is busy; what a lovely nativity, that picture you painted of whatizface [Steven Tyler] is fabulous.":roll: So now I am temporarily hating my mother and considering getting counseling (which is something I was hoping to avoid until SAD season). Tonight, I am turning off my cell phone so that my aunt doesn't call me at some g'awful hour. Current Mood:  shitty
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| San Francisco |
| 08.29.04 (11:49 am) [edit] |
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On Saturday I decided to go to San Francisco. I went and parked at the best place to park in that area, $5 all day (weekends). The temporary Stienhart aquarium, practically in Moscone Center, is really small. It doesn't have anything else in it; no dinosaur bones, walk-through stuffed Serengetti diorama or planetarium. I didn't expect it to.  My favorite part of the aquarium wasn't there, the fish roundabout. What do fish think that are caught in something like that? That they are in a race? Are they looking for something? Every once in awhile you'd see one going the opposite way, he thinks he's a rebel. There were several bigger tanks, like the penguin one, and a large coral reef (I don't remember how many times around there I heard, "Look mommy! Dory!")  I bring this up because what little kids do (plus it's funny how excited they get about everything) is the plaster themselves, limbs spread against the glasses like a big suction cupped Garfield doll. It's like, "Is that really necessary?" I got an idea for this movie that I maybe want to do someday (I say maybe because the more I read the story, the more verbal and sort of pointless? no, things in it just happen simply because, "It's magic and we say so"). Whatever. Anyway, there are these flashlight fish. They live in the dark, and they have these little marks right under their eyes like a football player to help them see in the dark.  But you can't see the fish, at least not in the tank. The tank is completely dark. All you see are these evil-looking glowing green slanty eyes flashing on and off.  (like this but without the pupils). I saw that and I thought, for an underwater scene, where something evil lives to have all these lights that look like evil eyes would be a great effect. And it could make sense because they actually are fish.  Then I went to the Marina Green at Fort Mason (getting there would have taken a lot less time if I had just figured out when 3rd street turned into Kearny a helluva lot sooner so that I could turn onto Geary). I walked around at the Marina green, which I love. (It was a gorgeous day in SF, but the view of the bridge was just like this but totally opposite). It's my favorite place in that city. I can't say why exactly. Perhaps it is just because it's by the water, it's pretty on a clear day, it is just beyond all the tourist crap in Pier 39/Fisherman's Warf/all those other uppity shopping places up there. I just love it. If it weren't for the traffic and the fact that all those houses are death traps when a big earthquake hits, I would want to live there. (On the other hand, all those houses look relatively new compared to the rest of the residential areas because they are only about 15 years old). I wished I could have been there relaxing with Jeremy, in my favorite place. From there, I walked to Ghirardelli Square. I bought a cookie at the chocolate place the size of a McDonald's burger, but more filling, more expensive, and fresh, walked back to my car, and went home.  I went to Blockbuster and rented Monster and Fargo which I've never seen before and have wanted to for some time. But when I go to the rental place, i either forget or I get something else. I liked Fargo. For some reason it wasn't as bloody as I thought it would be. (Maybe, compared to Kill Bill...). But it was very amusing. I got Monster now because, knowing my mother, I would want to rent it in Sacramento sometime, and I would give it to her to take care of, and she would say, "Ew! You want to reant that?!" I hate people who assume that just because they are awake at some ungodly hour, so must the rest of the world. My mom's mom would call at 8:00 am on a weekend, is the reason the ringer is off in my bedroom at home. My aunt Mary gets up at 4 or 5:00 everyday, even weekends (which I don't understand). And goes to bed about 8 or 9. If that's what she wants to do, I won't pretend to understand it. However, I will not knock her for it. However, what I do not understand is why she has, on multiple occassions, called me at ungodly hours like 6:45, 6:30, or 7:05 this morning. I woke up and thought, "What's that song? It sounds very familiar. That's my cell phone! Crap." I figured it was one of 3 people. Jeremy (but being functional at 9:00 CDT, if it's not necessary isn't his thing), my dad, (why would he call me so early unless it was an emergency?) or my aunt. I didn't answer the phone in time. But it said, "One missed call...Mary's Cell" (Dumb bitch, I thought half awake). Fortunately I was able to get back to sleep. I'm going to interview for that job tonight. I don't know if I get it if I'll take it or not. It depends on scheduling and stuff. But right now, I am going to go the gym, because I know it is open until 4:00 today. So I am going to get dressed, and go over there now! Current Mood:  Quite warm
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| Someplace I want to take Jeremy |
| 08.28.04 (8:49 am) [edit] |
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I did something I haven't done in a long time, I looked at some grades. Not all, but a few. I am happy to report I am currently maintaing above a B average. My dad hasn't asked me about grades in a long time. Not complaining Last night turned out to be so much fun, especially after the stupid gym thing. (Bloody morgue-of-a-commuter-camp us-on-Fridays). I went to Andrea's. We talked at her apartment for a bit. Then we just kinda up and decided since there was nothing free and better to do, that we would drive to Santa Cruz to look at stars.  At her direction, we ended up in this little beach town called Capitola. By then, it was about 11:30 when we drove into it. All the specialty shops were closed, but there were many bars and clubs in full swing. It was fun. We walked out on the beach and went into the water up to our knees, and got wet. On the way out, I went into a bar, and got a virgin strawberry dacquri to go. (Sometimes, the flavor is what you crave more than the buzz...plus I was driving). A girl, who I assumed was lit, asked me if I liked her pants. They were gold. I told her what she wanted to hear, and went in to get my drink. Never driven 17 or 1 at night, that was new. At least I wasn't driving on 1 between San Francisco and Stinson Beach. Those roads up there are windy as shit. It was about 1:15 by the time we got back. We didn't see any stars though.  I would like to go back to that place sometime. Jeremy would like it. It was very happening. The Margaritaville Club had a big ol' mermaid on the front of it, and it was very much alive. Except the hotels around there are expensive. Today, in my effort to have or make plans every weekend, I guess I am going to the Steinhart Aquarium. I have a need to be connected with the city. Weekend-after-next, I think I will go home to get my bike and all its accessories. I miss it so much. I wish I could have it today. I know a place on weekends near Max's and the stadium that you can park all day for $5. Maybe I'll go to Ghirardelli and the Marina green too. Driving in San Francisco frustrates me, but there is a sadistic part of me that loves it (just so long as I don't get lost). It's almost like PMS. Yes, driving in San Francisco is like PMS. You can behave the way you really want to, so long as you, and no one else gets hurt, but won't under normal conditions. You get to justify the behavior on the cause (I act this way because I have PMS/this is how to drive in this city) and once the journey is over, you have to readjust to the way things were before. I love the pop-ups that don't have an obvious way to close them. Current mood: Hungry
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| What I did today |
| 08.27.04 (8:17 pm) [edit] |
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On half.com, I bought an older but longer (which must mean better, right?), version of an $80 evil textbook I need for my drawing class for $20 with S&H. (Good for me!) today was-- interesting. I bought gas, and managed to drive all over town just trying to get onto 87. I saw Mrs. Reed. I talked to her about doing art lessons in her class on Fridays, and doing the after school thing. Talked to my 4th grade teacher too. She gave me the name of a lady that could give me ideas for the art projects. I'll call her, i guess, on Mondy. Mrs. Reed said she ran into the principal on the way out and ran the idea by him and was receptive. I've got to kinda get a purposal together first. I don't even care about units, that would just be a bonus. I just need something to do to give my life purpose. But I need to talk to an advisor about that. I just know that I had fun in my after school GATE art classes. The teacher, who was not from the school, and was a cool skinny guy named Jaap with glasses and a ponytail, seemed so old back then. I'd be surprised now if he were over 25. Kids should have creative expression, unjudged by a superior, and free and i know that foolishly, the arts are a luxury that can't be afforded, especially right now. As I think about how I signed up to do face painting at the Walk-a-Thon there all day October 9th, by whose sign ups a sign read something about the funds going for a music program, it made me kinda sad. Here are some other things that share these sentiments:   Sent some mail at the post office. I went to Target. I was told my digital pictures would be ready at 3:00 Thursday, and they still weren't. She said "They'll be ready before 7" (That's in like, 4 hours, can you be more specific?) So exchanged some paint at Michael's, and bought new charcoal pencils. Went to Mervyn's where Junior Plus underwear was 50%. Got a black pair with silver glitter on it, and on that looks like a union jack, which is something i've wanted for a long time. Looked at JoAnn's fabrics for a bit. Got my oil changed; I was about 5000 miles overdue. Got some polyeruthane and yellow spray paint for the next art project. Bought a few groceries. I had a Lean Cuisine personal pizza for dinner. It was surprisingly good. Frozen pizza is not so great. (There is a quote I could put here about sex and pizza but I won't; you've probably heard it anyway). Went back to Target. Fans are 30%. I desparately needed some sort of cooling system in here. I got 2 small ones, my room is more tolerable now. Got some new spiral bound notebooks. There's still paper in some of the ones I have. But they are starting to look pretty sad after about 2 or 3 semesters Got new pens. Got a box for the drawing stuff i need for the class, because I don't want to take my industrial strength, toolbox, meant for powertools, with the paints in it. The pictures turned out pretty good. I need to send all of Jeremy's pictures to him, except my mom has most of them. One year ago today, I officially arrived at Disney World. I then leased my soul to the mouse. I have my soul again. But SJSU has partially broken some of my spirits. I desparately need to go to the gym. Otherwise, I will feel guilty again. But i need to go soon! Like now! 20 minutes later... Nevermind. The last time I went to the gym, it was still open till 10:00 on Friday night. Sbarro and Burger King were still open till 7:30 back then too, and the Market Cafe didn't stop serving hot food at 5:00 practically. At least...nevermind. I think tomorrow, I may just forget about the bike thing and go to the aquarium there anyway. I need to do something with myself tomorrow. Going to go see Andrea now. Will respond to emails tomorrow/later tonight. Current Mood:  A little miffed about the gym thing.
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| Guilt |
| 08.26.04 (10:37 pm) [edit] |
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Why didn't I go to the gym today?! I wish I had now. At least I didn't eat much today. Current Mood:  Blah, and a little guiltyWhat's on: Will and Grace - Moveable Feast |
| 1 Comments |
| good stuff |
| 08.26.04 (4:34 pm) [edit] |
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Last night was good. I worked out, i popped all the popcorn I need for my next project, it's sitting in a bucket, ready to spilt and polyeurothaned. That means I have to just finish these last little parts, the popcorn bag, and the whatever-it-is sitting up on the coutch next to Jeremy (it looks like a digital camera). Yay! New Teen Girl Squads! I put more pictures/make-ups I have created in the margins, including my A+ fox project. I worked out last night! Only for an hour, but it's better than nothing. I need to get my head together. I got some very encouraging information today. In my Television Criticism class, (which seems very interesting. I like critical thinking classes where ideas are traded), everyone had to talk about themselves. All I said was that I was debating being an RTVF and Art double major. The instructor said that the combination of the 2 would make me a shoe-in for any media job. I am one class (after the completion of this semester) away from completing an RTVF minor, and 4 elective units away from completing the elective part of the major (the other classes is a different story). Art though...crap. People in the TV Crit class have been there for 6 years though. So I guess I don't feel as bad. Of course, they may not have been going full time either. I have fish on the brain. At the intro hall meeting they want to come up with a suggestion for the study lounge mural. I want to suggest some sort of a coral reef-tropical fish thing. Something like this:  OR  Now I am thinking about what it would be like to have a wedding reception inside a giant fishbowl, wishing to go to the Steinhart Aquarium (in its temporary location), because it is about $9 cheaper than Monterey and a helluva lot closer. But it's right off 3rd street, so maybe I'll make a bike trip of it because I love San Francisco and I'm starting to have withdrawls (it's been over 2 months!). Which means I need my bike. Which means I have to get a cage key, go home, get it and all the accessories and crap, and already, there goes the notion of doing something every semester. I told Mrs. Reed I want to do art in her class. I also want to do an after school GATE lesson (which will require speaking to the principal...whatever). If I can get a few upper division art elective units out of it, so much the better. All I've eaten today are a few of those mini cheesy popcorn cake thingies. (Better than Cheetos, and low-cal). I finished the Skipping Christmas book. They are making a movie based on it. The book, about a couple whose only daughter is going away with the peace corps to Peru, so they decide it would be cheaper to take a cruise on Christmas versus playing into all the physical, emotional, and financial hassel that goes into the holiday. It is a seemingly realistic and down-to-earth story. What happens in the story is amusing. The movie looks very slapsticky and kinda dumb. I backed up all the documents I care about, erased an additional 150 MB of crap off my computer. Plus I figured out the formula for making my computer work the way it should...on the second time. Tomorrow/this weekend I have to: Pick up pictures from Target, find some semblence of a small box to put my pencils in, check my supplies and see what I need to buy for art class, mail some stuff, get more organized, finish Jeremy picture number 1, get polyeurothane, and possibly yellow glossy spray paint, and print out the evidence that I took RTVF 171 (which I don't fully understand the necessity for that, but I did it, so I'll do it), and figure out how to get to KTEH. I wish I had a reminder program on my computer. For some reason, programs ask me if I want to get the update or something (which is how my Yahoo IM got fucked up) they repeatedly come up with a little annoying box. I want an annoying box to come up that tells me important things! "KTEH Tech Volunteer, 6:30 Tomorrow" "Parent's Anniversary today" "Buy blue books." I'd probably still forget anyway. I tried to do a post last night and my computer crapped out on me (what else is new, lately?). In it, I said Jeremy is very sweet and I love him. Current mood:  NiceWhat's on: Surrender (Live) - Cheap Trick |
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| Day 1 |
| 08.25.04 (12:42 pm) [edit] |
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Well, um, I bought a new blue table for my dorm to hopefully be used in a dwelling outside of Granite Bay or SJSU. Target has a bunch of navy blue and lime stuff. It's so cool, i love that color combination. Digital pictures of me and my sweetie are being printed. I bought some cheap popcorn to start the next art project (when that will be I don't know since I can't seem to bring myself to paint these 2 last small things in the big picture that is in the way of everything right now). As soon as my dad can bring over all the appropriate software, I am going to blow up my computer, make it tabla rusa, untouched by Ad/Spyware and viruses. I am going to be a KTEH (Local PBS Station) Technical Volunteer. To answer your next question, no, I will not be answering any telephones. I will be trained on cameras. Cameras are easy; just point, zoom, focus, zoom back out, and unless people are moving around a lot, no problem. Director is hard. I like floor director best; that's the person who listens to the director and tells the talent and camera people what to do. Go on Tuesday, September 6th, at 6:30 (you don't care about that, that is mostly for my beniefit). Word of the day: Circlers Use it well. I got the poster from the local, friendly neighborhood headshop. In fact, this is the one that was in the display...turning thingy (i don't know that those are called); last one. It looks something like this, and is now hanging in my dorm.  Yum! Have you ever made friends with someone, then later on decided you didn't like them for various reasons, so just avoided them mostly, but you never, i guess, broke up with them? So the other person still thinks you're friends, and you have to tolerate them whenever you see them. That sucks. First day of school. Too many people. Otherwise, don't know. I sooo need to get back to the gym!! I should get to backing up my system now. Current Mood:  Pissed with Yahoo Instant Messenger for preventing me from chatting with my boyfriend.(All the more reason I should back up my system and blow it up...perhaps litterally). |
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| Things I Hate... |
| 08.24.04 (12:36 pm) [edit] |
I Hate...
(ok, I don't hate myself for that last one, but it is an inconvinience).
In conclusion, I want to reformat my hard drive, and when I do, I want to uninstall Internet Explorer, which is a piece of donkey shit. Off to Kinko's to get a CD, I guess... Current Mood:  Pissed and hot |
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| Negative School Year |
| 08.23.04 (12:24 pm) [edit] |
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I'm now back in my dorm, same dorm as before. Felt sort of strange waking up here. Checking in yesterday, kinda dumb how they do it. You can only park on 8th street for 1 hour. Yet there is a line out the door to get in the elevator, which is usually full by the time it gets back down to the My dad told me if I was to go out, to be back before it got dark. It was dark by the time I left. I went to Mal-Wart (which I wish was a Super one so that I only had to make one stop) then I went to Safeway. I've never really been seriously shopping at 11:00 at night before. I learned something then; shopping at night is not as ideal as it seems. Half the aisles (or isles?) had big plastic-wrapped packages in the middle of them blocking the way, waiting to be unpacked in the morning, and a lot of stuff was out of stock. Plus there was only one line open and a lot of people in it. Spent a lot of money last night. But usually when I go to the grocery store, I don't completely restock everything; I don't usually buy an obligatory case of water, or 3 pints of milk because the 1/2 gallons were all out. Had a fun time getting everything back to the room too. I finally found an abandoned shopping cart on campus (with one of those stopped up wheels to discourage people from stealing them...good job, and took the whole thing in the elevator up to my room, dropped it off, and took it back down. It seemed like no matter what, no one at-- OMG! Someone just walked into my room! Holy crap! Good thing I wasn't naked! Shit! That has never happened to me before! Note to self: Always lock myself in here. I'll get to how this adds to the perpetual negativity. What the hell was I saying before? Oh yeah, all day at home, no one would talk to me (fine with that). I think they could sense when I was on the phone with Jeremy though. Because always when I would be talking to him, Amandaaaa!!! from my mom, my dad, Mike on behalf of my mom. So frustrating. Meanwhile, I come back to school, and the coverage at this school is such crap I still get interrupted every few minutes. Stayed in bed till 11:00 today. Didn't mean to do that. But I probably won't have too many chances to do that after Wednesday. Why when I never use the Internet Explorer browser anymore do I still get pop-ups from Internet Explorer? (Which is the whole reason I stopped using it in the first place). PeopleSoft is not letting me look at my schedule, which I guess means I have to go to Student Services and ask them to print out my schedule for me. I love going down there and dealing with those people. I have resolved to almost always have plans on the weekend. Even if it means taking my bike somewhere for a ride. I am going to go back to the gym this year too. Glad as I am that I am back here, without my parents, with something to do, and a way to work out, I feel as though this school year is bogged down with negativity. I'm not sure why exactly, but I have several theories. The first is it's so expensive. Parking permits go up between 9-16% every year (depending on if it was $120 when I started or $150. I don't remember). Which is a sham, for one thing. To have to pay money for your car to occupy a space and do nothing is a sham. If that money were actually being used to maintain the parking lot, that would be one thing. But anyone who has been in the garages knows they are not exactly in stellar condition. It would be one thing if they went up 3% a year, in accordance to the 3% inflation rate. But 9-16%?! Something's not right there! Plus all the other expenses, tuition and textbooks rising, forcing everyone to buy their books new because of a new edition, plus extra for the CD Rom no one ever uses. Not to mention all the little things that make this stupid, like how the fire marshall is saying that we can't have anything on the doors this year, or how rather than giving everyone a free internet cable like they always have they made everyone pay $5 for it. I don't know if I'm just frustrated because I want to be having my life with Jeremy, or I want to be somewhere else, but instead I am here, miserable and alone again. Or there is the reason I most suspect. I was chatting with my grandma last night. She asked me if I was going to graduate at the end of the year. I responded with "HA!" Just the feeling that it's another stupid semester just like the stupid ones before it and the stupid ones that will proceed it. And that it's just the same ol' shit and it's not going to improve any ever. I just feel like I really want to be done with it all but that won't be happening for a long long time, if ever. It's late. It feels like it's about 10:00, but it's not! I should go out and do something productive, go to the local friendly neighborhood headshop see if they still have that Robert Plant poster that they had at the end last school year, return the garbage can I bought to replace the recycle box that I know i left in the room before I went home, that was in a spot marked 97 cents and turned out to be $5, return some crappy lightbulbs that look nothing like what I thought I was buying. Current Mood: mehWhat's on: Headlong - Queen PS, I looked at the same travel website that did my Europe tour, on the low end, $1200 for a tour of Europe, $1500 for Hawaii. Damn. Piece of shit Yahoo Instant Messenger! |
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| they force me to have a subject and i don't like it! |
| 08.20.04 (9:51 am) [edit] |
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Is there anything I want to say here? Jeremy's Aunt sent me a picture of him when I he was 6 in t-ball. He was blonde, like, real blone. Now his hair is darker than mine. I figured out how to paint denim so it looks like denim, rather than just painting him with blue shorts. I could fesiably finish it today. I doubt it; I gotta paint the wrinkles on the socks, draw the hair on his legs and stomach, finsih the shorts, and paint the popcorn bag (which is the one thing that probably won't get done). There's something about the painting that bothers me. To me, it doesn't look like the subject, but it does look mostly like the photograph from whence it was resembled, which does resemble its subject. It's a fair painting. I don't know what he will think of it. (It's not for him, or his approval, but since the boy is the subject and has already asked if he can see it...). It for some reason does not match the picture I have of my boyfriend, shirtless, and bearded, in my mind I guess. What else? Logic problem kids! At theater A, I can see a film at 4:30 for $6.25, or 7:30 for $9.25. At theater B, only a little further away, I can see the same film at 4:00 for $3, or at 7:00 for $3.00. Which one will i choose? One hour later... My collage is underway to being printed! I was told on the phone it would cost $6.00 a square foot, the lady at Kinko's said $7. She let me have it for $6. And she thought the collae was pretty. She said the print should only last 6 months, which I don't understand. Does the print fall off? Does it spontaneously combust after a finite period of time? Does it do a Dorian Gray thing, what? How does that work? Maybe I'll get it laminated too. That print will have to figure out how to bust through a wall of plastic before jumping off the page. I'm going out to lunch with Gram to the buffet at the Indian Casino. Should be fun. Curent Mood:  NiceWhat's On: Sesame Street Themesong |
| 1 Comments |
| Europe |
| 08.19.04 (4:23 pm) [edit] |
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I really want to go to Europe with Jeremy. Got a paper from the tour group I went with when I graduated about a few of the tours they have. To experience that with him sounds him sounds like so much fun. They have a tour that goes to the places I am most interested in; London, Paris, Lucerne and Muinch. (Austria seems like it just wants to be Switzeraland). I could do without the tours this time. I don't like Oh well. Not going to happen anytime soon.  I started reading this book today. So far alright, no lawyers in it. Current Mood:  Wishfully thinking
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| 0 Comments |
| Collage Done! |
| 08.18.04 (11:53 pm) [edit] |
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Yay! My collage is done. It took me most of 2 days to do it, but it is done. And your eyeballs will be overloaded. I am very proud of it. I'll post it in the online portfolio later. I showed it to my mom. I explained to her what i was doing. When she saw it, she criticized it for not being more in her vision. (And here I thought I was doing a damn good job!). In more good, artistic news, I finished Jeremy's face, i tweeked his right eye a little to better match the painting. Now that he has facial hair it actually looks like the original picture. Plus, now he has shorts! They are not finished, but it's a start. I really really really want to get it done before I go back to SJSU. If i bust my ass, it could happen... Tomorrow/Friday, I have to do laundry, pack clothes, and in the process, attempt to clean my room...ugh, a disturbing prospect. Current Mood:    Thirsty, accomplished, content
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| I'm not sure, I think I'm indecisive |
| 08.18.04 (9:42 am) [edit] |
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I wish I were in school. I need to get myself on a more accurate track for what I want. I have about 4 things I think that sound very interesting. I was looking at books on Amazon about these different career goals. They just seemed overwhelming. Every book is about $20-40, and probably not at any of the local libraries, so as long as I am content with reading the first 10 pages of a book (be they table of contents or copyright info), I'm good. One was about storyboarding and mentioned the word agent which for some reason just kinda freaked me out. Another scary phrase, buidling a portfolio. I don't know. Maybe I get the feeling that whatever I could possibly contribute to a portfolio would be not worthwhile. My other problem is I have too many creative ideas. Some of them are only half ideas, like an idea for a character, (like a hyperactive spastic prairie dog with an annoying voice, or a teen drama based on living and working in I move back this weekend with mixed feelings. I hate moving. I'm not crazy about the idea of going to school. Maybe I just feel like "It's going to be forever before I get outta here, why should I go back?" 2007! But I want to get back to school, away from the boredom, talk to some people, ease my mind (hopefully), get a direction, go back to the gym. Something about moving into Joe West doesn't excite me. Maybe I just feel like I want to get away from there so badly, that finding away to keep myself there more and for longer depresses me. I would love to move into the Collonade, if I stay there; I couldn't transfer until a year from now anyway. Although based on the dream that I anaylzed the other day, if my assertation of the dream is correct, that may not be the best choice. If I stay at SJSU, chances are, I'll get to double major. I have 2 art projects I had hoped to finish before I left, and I probably won't finish either of them. Jeremy in my painting has a the base coat of a beard and hair on top of his head (and eyebrows), but no mustache. Maybe by this time next year, I will get an apartment with Jeremy. Fuck my dad. Gotta get back to work on the collage I started last night. I'm going for an "Eyeball Overload" thing. Current Mood:  whatever...What's on: Stay With Me - Rod Stewart |
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| Not important |
| 08.17.04 (10:41 pm) [edit] |
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What the hell is my problem? (In this case) I never have anything important to say. It's just me rambling. I have nothing worthwhile to say. No one cares. There is something better to look at, or do. Why should I get pissy again and again? I shouldn't care. Current Mood:  Artistic but not real happyCurrent Music: Amazing - Aerosmith |
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| Collage |
| 08.17.04 (4:35 pm) [edit] |
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Wow! I'm on a roll! I hope this turns out good! More deep thoughts later... Current Mood:  CreativeWhat's on: King of the Hill - Pilot |
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| Dream |
| 08.16.04 (4:34 pm) [edit] |
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This is boring day, yet it went by fast. Great. The faster the better. Shit. Things suck. I more or less finished Jeremy's eyes, for some reason, putting the light reflection on the eyes brings them to life. Except he still has no hair other than his eyelashes. Since he doesn't have any hair on his head, just a white area, and a high forehead, he looks like a very tan Larry Tate (you know, Darrin's bootlicking ass of a boss on Bewitched?)  Matt just left. The most exciting thing I did today was take Mike to buy a schedule of classes, and then got a Starbucks for myself. Yippy. Registration opened in May, class start Monday, the boy has not registered for a single class! According to the person primarily responsible for that (his father, Mike, unlike me is not quite capable of handling it himself. It's at the point now where I tell dad when to make out the checks and for how much). Shit. Good luck to that kid! Mike takes 1 or 2 classes a semester (I think he got a bit Tweeked out with one class last semester, as he had to deal with concepts foreign to him such as 'hOm-"w&rk, finals, "tA-ki[ng] 'nOts, and 't&rm 'pA-p&rs). What a coincidence! One of these days, I'm going to get to that point too! Wow! Wonder who will graduate first? Shit. When I think about it, I just want to get out of there! It doesn't matter if I take 9 units a semester or 21, it's not going to accelerate the process a damn bit. I don't think I can get a job this semester. Crap.  My mom thinks this guy, behind-the-scenes dude on the Ellen DeGeneres Show looks like Jeremy... Jeremy's got better hair. Matt said he was very sorry he didn't get to meet Jeremy, he sounds funny (I'm not sure if he meant the words/actions he said were intentionally funny, or the person was unintentionally funny), and he sounds like a sweetheart and is glad that I have him. He is a good sympathizer. Matt's grown up a lot. I like him, he's good people. Unlike Kelly, who once whined when she didn't get to see her boyfriend for 2 days, and when i told her she'd survive, she'd say, "Well, that's not what I'm used to!" Andrea on the other hand, said, "He's going away for a week, and I'll miss him. However, I know that's nothing like what you go through." Thank you, Andrea! My scabby chin itches. I want to hear Kashmir. This is about where this entry ends. If you want to keep reading, go for it, it's just me trying to interpret a dream. But I'll put my closing things here. Current Mood: Not great, not horribleWhat's on: Sweet Child of Mine - Guns 'n' Roses Screw it. No one wants to read about my dumb dream... |
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| Whole Famn Damily |
| 08.15.04 (11:44 am) [edit] |
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Yesterday was fun. Everyone commented on my chin, even my cousin Amy's youngest. It still hurts, and looks like a mile of bad road, but it could have been worse, and that's a little scary. Everyone went swimming. The males were taking turns seeing how big of a splash they could make by jumping into the pool. I don't like the digital camera; I kept trying to take mid-air pictures of the guys as they were jumping. But the stupid camera takes a picture a few seconds after you push the button. Therefore, the image that would freeze on, unless I anticipated it, was the white splash in the pool. Eventually, a war transpired. Nearly everyone was in the pool, and pelting each other with these little balls, attempting to make killshots, as hard as they could, no alliances. Amy's boy asked, "Who's side am I on?" I said, "It doesn't matter, just throw them!" It was challenging because you never knew where the next shot was coming from. In addition, Amy's little girls finally made their way to the pool, one of them decided she had to try out every floatation device we had for just a little while, a few times she floated out into the middle of the war zone. The food was good. My dad made margaritas. My mom made a layered salad that I luuuv. I showed everyoe the letter to the editor that got published in the paper, sparking a debate...actually, most people are on the same page about the issue that shan't be mentioned (beause it makes me sick to my stomack to think about, but I'll continue the good fight later) it was more like a discussion overshadowed in fear.:( (Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts) About 7, I called Jeremy, per his request (that is, he felt guilty about pretty much blowing me off the night before, and promised me we'd talk for as long as I want. He told me I was interrupting Leave it to Beaver. It doesn't matter when I call, I'm always interrupting some TV show; he had me call back a half hour later so that he could finish watching something. But the night before, he was in a bad mood because of his mom or something. And I (inadvertently, I swear!) made him feel guilty. So we talked, then I had to hang up and go downstairs and say good-bye to everyone, I showed Susie the websites with the pictures of us in Tahoe and vacation. In the drunk entry, Susie the aunt I was talking to who suggested Kelly was jealous. The aunt I said I loved was Bonnie. I love Susie too, but Crazy Auntie Bun-Bun, had just written me a letter talking about some stuff I wrote to her about things that were making me not confident. Mostly things having to do with Jeremy and myself by comparison. I'm stupid sometimes. I know, i mentioned an aunt and didn't distinguish. It was confusing, but then again, when my fine motor skills are the first thing to go, who knows what I'm trying to say. Then I called him back, and had to go downstairs to clean food. Then I went into the office and called him back and talked to him again for a good long time. Talking about nothing. He doesn't like talking on the phone, but he promised me he'd talk for as long as I want. I'm not sure if his issue is the being on the phone or the holding the phone. I ought to see if his new cell phone came with one of those hands-free deelies. I like talking on the phone to him, even if not a whole lot is being said. It's comforting. In reality, what else do I have? Not the physical contact that I miss so much (not even the sexual contact)...cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it right? No point in being dramatic like my bitch-of-a-mother would say. Starting today, he does band camp. My dad bought stuff to make Orange Mandies for everyone. I never published the recipe for that did I? They are pretty damn good. I invented them at my mom's 50th party. (1 shot rum, one shot coconut stuff, one shot lemon-lime soda, oe shot pineapple juice, one cup orange soda, blended over 2 cups of ice, yield 1-2 servings). But we forgot when everyone was here, so I made them for the remaining interested people (everyone but Mike, who is convinced if, in this country, he gets caught even holding an alcoholic beverage then he will be arrested). Then my dad pulled out the poker chips and the cards. Matt, Rod, (my dad's oldest best friend) my dad and I played several hands of poker. I've never played with chips. Plus, all I've ever played it 5 card draw. They started things off with Texas Hold 'em. We also played Slot Machine. I did OK. There were a few times when I beat my dad holding Jacks by holding Queens. During a game of Slot Machine, I bought myself a Royal Flush (plus a 9 to match the suit), then started betting with my highest chips. Obviously, it worked in my favor. I didn't walk away with the most chips, but at least i never had to go all in with my last $7, like my dad once, or get a loan from the bank like Matt. It was fun. I wish he, Jeremy and I (and maybe Rod) had done it. Although, I sense that there would have been this competitive thing between us. Last night, while Dad and Rod were trying to win against everyone, they were specifically trying to take each other down. I feel like if it were Jeremy and i, we would be trying to specifically take each other out, complete with ad hominem attacks. Then we sat around, ate the remaining hot dogs, listened to Rod (or Hairy Boy, and later Harry Man as Amy's girls called him as he was chasing them around our house wearing a ski mask, I said, "Honey, Rod is neither a boy, nor hairy; Rod is the antithesis of hairy) tell stories about things he's done to pets in the past. I slept well last night. And by that I mean, I didn't wake up with any mysterious injuries or property damage. That still baffles me. I gotta get back to painting one of these days. I thought I would have that thing done in a week. This is going into week 3 Wednesday. Current Mood:  Peachy KeenCurrent Music: Poison - Alice Cooper |
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| In pain |
| 08.14.04 (9:27 am) [edit] |
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Oh hell! I can't type for shit when I'm drunk. So why do I always think I can? Probably because if I can't call people (actually, it wasn't that late), writing in my journal is a reasonable substitue (whatever..) And no, Jeremy, should you read this, I wasn't faking. I'm impressed I managed to cut and paste the correct icon at the bottom. I woke up this morning feeling like I was going to have a zit from hell on the left side of my jaw. But I also realized my right knee was hurting. (Coincidence?) I rolled over and saw that one of the boards I But judging by the broken wooden board I have a pretty good idea. That board wasn't even guessoed. Had that been a board with a mostly-completed painting on it, I would not be in the merely OK mood I'm in now. My mom is bitching about me going and eating breakfast. My dad's whole famn damily is coming today. Better shut her up. Current Mood:  Hurting
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| 2 Comments |
| Drunk or buzzed or whatever.. |
| 08.13.04 (11:53 pm) [edit] |
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Wow! Mu fistr drunk enty in this journal! Quite momentous. Wjhat do I want to say? I love my aunt! Jeremy, even tho he doesn;t ike talkiun g on he phone loces me. I love him very mch. I think about him all the time. I fantasixe about him more than any other celebrity. I talked to my aunt today. I told her about seeing Kelly in SJ. She asked what she thought of him,. I told her she didn't sayu much. She concluded that she s jealous of me. Cool'' I'm driml/ Tjeu started t;alomg abpit s[prts/ O get npred/ :pve typi adn ,iss ypi 1 akandaq Vurrent mood: 3e  drunk
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| 3 Comments |
| Crap from Last Night |
| 08.13.04 (3:29 pm) [edit] |
It feels like Saturday instead of Friday. For some reason, there is a paper coaster (yes, the kind you put drinks on) floating around our house with Homestar Runner on one side in red, and Strong Bad on the other side in blue and the URL for the most amusing internet timewaster on the bottom. No one in this house (including our most recent houseguest, my paternal cousin Matthew) knows anything about the website, let alone where the coaster came from, although Matt, being somewhat in touch with bizarre popculture vaguely recognized Strong Bad. I'll ask my mom's best friend Lynn about it, she's collects coasters. I don't like cleaning. What I really don't like is that Mike is an incompetent dork, and I have to inevitably clean up after him.:x Explain this to me: I went to the grocery store, for $1, I bought a 1.5 liter of Calistoga bottled water. For $1.30, I could have bought a 1.5 liter of Aquafina bottled water (if I wanted really brand name Pepsi water as opposed to Nestlé water). Why is it that at school, for $1.20, I can get 20 oz of Pepsi water, and for $1.70, I can get a liter of the same water? If the bottles fit in my little fridge (which when i get out of a dorm, will be my beer fridge someday) I would just get those. I love getting bottles of water in large quanities. What did I really want to say here? Oh yeah, some annoyances last night. First, the non-annoyance that set it all in motion...but before that...(whatever) My mom told me yesterday, that she and my dad never discuss religion. When I came downstairs to tell my mom that I straightened things out with Jeremy, my mom and dad started debating the stupid little things that Catholics do, that I don't understand, and think are weird. (ie blessing ourselves before praying; you know, head clevage, nipple, nipple, when I said that, my mom cracked up, my dad gave me a dirty look). Conclusion: My dad has no idea why we do all those weird little traditional thingies, and he has never questioned his religion, not even when he was my age. (It's understandable to just do things without questioning when you're old because you are certain about your faith, when you are very young because you are told to or lse, as is my case, but I would think that you get to a point where you wonder why or how and draw your own conclusions).:roll: Anyway, what got me upset last night: I talked to Jeremy last night twice. As he was asking for my permission to eat his dinner (11:30 at night, still hasn't eaten dinner, stupider than my family). I wished in my head he would say something sweet and romantic to make me feel warm and fuzzy. Finally he said, "Will you marry me?" (that'll work). So I felt nice. (OK, here's the annoying part!) After trying to tell my mom the thing that brought a little bit of joy to my evening, and having her ignore me until I got her attention. And I started with, "I wanted him to say something romantic..." "What! You like romantic things?!" (oh, good lord!) Somehow that conversation turned to how I "have no romance in my soul" and I am somehow a great disappointment to my sex because she "thought all girls had romance in their soul" which led to "What movies have made you cry?" (The last movie I can remember crying at was the one where Big Bird goes to the Met and helps some Egyptian mummy kid get reunited with his family in the afterlife). "You didn't cry when...?" (insert sad scenes from Disney movies here). "Have you ever cried at a book?" (only when I saw that I had to buy the text book new for $70). Somehow, that conversation turned to how I don't read enough, I should read these Best in Children's books that she was crazy about owning a complete set for awhile, until she actually got it, that I need to expand my horizons. (She didn't finish that sentence, what she meant was, "I need to expand my horizons...in the direction she wants me to," nevermind that on my own, I have read Steven King, am sorta reading War of the Worlds, read Little Women a long time ago, but by my choice read Dracula). When I said I was reading War of the Worlds she just rolled her eyes at me (case in point, last time I checked it was a Sci-Fi classic, i didn't tell her sometimes I go back and start rereading Sea Fairies for...semantics? sure, why not!). It's not that I don't like to read. When I make the effort to find something, whatever it may be, I buzz though it. I read 100 pages a day on The Shining on vacation. Everyone in her family reads like crazy, and Mike and I great disappointments to her. I don't need to defend myself to you people... Then that conversation turned into how I don't talk well to people. "And she [Jeremy's mom] wants to know about the person that is going to possibly be marrying her son." And the fact that I don't read too much somehow is all connected with that. Bitch (my mom, not his).:evil: Honestly, here's what I think, and I could be wrong: people in general don't care about the details of my, or anyone else's life. If they ask about it, they are just being polite. People don't care, often, if you give someone a segway, or even if you don't to talk about something you don't know anything about, they'll take it, and you'll regret it. Does anyone else think it's cheating to buy a costume out of a bag? Maybe it's because my mom made and sewed all my Halloween costumes from patterns. I don't sew. But I like to look at an outfit, kinda break it down, and then hit up closets, secondhand things, and stores that can convert things. I know what I want to do for Halloween, and I'm building it myself.:wink: |
| 0 Comments |
| Another day |
| 08.12.04 (8:17 pm) [edit] |
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Did almost nothing again today. Didn't paint (that's not true, I painted the whites of his eyes, the shadows thereon, and his eyelashes. But I am at the point where I can list what I need to do (anything relating to hair, for one thing, except the eyelashes). Cleaned the bathroom and the kitchen and stuff. I uploaded new pictures to the Summer 2004 page (see side). They are all from the trip we took to Lake Tahoe with Jeremy except the first one, which is from my first (legal) gambling & drinking adventure. Very silly. Coronas fear me when they see me...when they see Jeremy, they are afraid, but they know they at least have some time to get their affairs in order. I like this journal. I put all those pictures on the side as just little things I made. (Actually, I didn't make the 2 Disney Jacks or the flashing John Lennon from Yellow Submarine). But this way, it's like I don't have to pick one little...I don't know what they're called, icon thingy? (yes, I'm sure that's it) I can use all those.:) I finished my tie-dyed underwear today. None of the dye stuck to the waist bands. Most of them look pretty cool. At least the ones that don't look spectacular were not boring Janet Weiss underwear.  Fuck-a fuck-a fuck-a me! Anyway, I now have (more) underwear that's fun to wear!:D Speaking of which, check out this t-shirt I bought when I was down in San Jose with Kelly:  And it has... My dad hates this shirt. It's a follow up to the Gettin' Lucky in KY shirt; Get Lucky, and make sure no one outside of KY finds out about it. Finally got a hold of Jeremy (quelled any potential holy wars, with him anyway). Current mood: What's on: Super Nintendo - Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island |
| 1 Comments |
| This entry has no subject |
| 08.11.04 (10:52 am) [edit] |
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I hate the way things are right now. I feel very boring. It says that the old journal will be back up as soon as they get a new computer or something. I check it periodically. When it comes back, I'll download all my old mood icons and use them appropriately; worked so long setting this one up I don't know how anxious I would be to go back. I didn't do anything yesterday. I didn't paint that fat Hawaiian guy who is supposed to be Jeremy. I did get 12 pairs of underwear in the process of not being boring. I sat in the pool/spa for about an hour too. I didn't do laps. I just submerged myself in the cold water up to my armpits, went into the spa, the wished I had a strawberry dacquri from the Heavenly Bar at Harvey's, Lake Tahoe, Coronas on ice nearby, and holding and leaning on Jeremy... maybe, if he were in the spa with an adult beverage in his hand, he wouldn't be acting like God's high and mighty messenger boy with me. :x I would like to just take this moment to say, it is probably better to behave morally than-- nevermind. People will jump down my throat and tell me how horrible and wrong I am. I wish I truly had somewhere I needed to be. I hate my life, if this even is a life. I feel like a lazy slug. Current Mood:  blaaahWhat's on: The neighbor's annoying car alarm |
| 1 Comments |
| Boring stuff. |
| 08.10.04 (11:25 am) [edit] |
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Well, let's see... I put the shadows (not the highlights yet) on Jeremy. He now looks like a fat Hawaiian guy. I knew I would find a way to ruin it somehow. The painting is all I've got. I have no where to go, nowhere to be, no one to talk to, but at least now I have a journal again. :? Blaaah. Look! A happy face! Couldn't do that with my old journal! My mom yesterday was talking to a neighbor, telling her what I've been kinda going through, and the feeling that my life is completely on hold. And she said to the neighbor, the same thing she said to me, "Are you taking any drama classes this semester?" I didn't like it when she said it, I didn't like it when she said it then. If she had any any idea, then maybe she would be more sympathetic, and all things considered, I think I am handling myself pretty damn well. So last night, I told her I didn't appreciate her calling me dramatic. She made some mellow dramatic guesture. I continued despite her sarcasm. I told her that when she knew how it felt to go through just one of those things, then maybe she could criticize my behavior. She didn't let me finish. She said some thing along the lines of, "Give me a break!" and proceeded to tell some sob story about 10 weeks soon after moving into the house in San Jose. This is typical. I get some cajonesto tell my mom off, and she just shushes me. This is how she has worked all my life to opress me. She always has to be right and have the last word. What a horrible, underhanded bitch.:evil: 19 pairs of solid white, brief cut, multi-packaged underwear, I didn't buy 'em, I know that much. I think I'll save 5 for just in case, or as a last minute resort. "When people think, Democrats win, Bill Clinton, The Daily Show. Supposing this is true, does that mean when people don't think Republicans win...? Yes, I think it does. When you think about the policies of the republican party, that's true. Well, time to go attempt to salvage my horrible painting, or tie-dye my underwear. Current Mood: boredWhat's on: Sgt. Bilko |
| 3 Comments |
| New Blog |
| 08.09.04 (5:33 pm) [edit] |
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Hello. Welcome to my new blog. It's probably not as cool as the other one, and it may come back, I don't know. I may go back to it if it does. I have way too much boring cotton white underwear. I think I am going to tie-dye most of them soon. I miss my mood icons. But I'll switch back and forth with different ones. Current Mood:  neutralWhat's On: The Simpsons: Brawl in the Family |
| 2 Comments |
Something else will go here soon KSJS Radio Promotion
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