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| Various observations and things |
| 06.30.05 (7:07 am) [edit] |
 Who would have thought AmeriQuest had such a psychedelic blimp? Did anyone else see this last week besides me and the person who took this picture? This thing looks like a dance costume I wore when we did Electric Youth, very 80's. Seeing shows on TV like Beauty and the Geek makes me wish I were in some kind of media criticism class. According to an e-mail I got, these skirts are popular in Japan   Obviously, this is a hoax, and these pictures are only seen in porn magazines over there. The proof is is if you were going to wear a garment such as this, why would you want it to look like you wear such boring white granny-panty Janet Weiss underwear? Second, why aren't there tops that make you look like an entrant in a wet t-shirt contest? Why is it often the case that religions become mainstream where they never were before because the political leader has a dream and they are interpreted to be about some diety? Last week I bought my animal heads on sticks. Here are the winners:   Jeremy gets the latter; should I decide ever to use the aligator, I should have access to it. If they have a shark at the Montery Bay Aquarium I'll get that too. I skipped my Asian studies class to go on a shoot with my internship; if it were a 14-week class I wouldn't have any issue skipping one class, so I don't so much right now. Plus it's so boring! Not the most boring class I've ever had; that honor goes to a man who sounded like Bob Newhart, except not funny, and he had to wear a microphone because he could not project his voice to the back of a regular-sized classroom. Some of the waiting is almost over! I feel like I've screwed up summer for everyone (except Mike). We didn't go anywhere and it's all my fault. I have had two dreams in the not-so-distant past about getting married. After much hassel and run around, I finally got my graduation paperwork in and my tuition paid for. I hate the way this place is a lot of the time. Could zoo animals singing Don't Fence Me In be funny? Damn that "timely" Cole Porter getting his music out of the public domain! Going home tonight! Current Mood:  warm
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| 0 Comments |
| That was painful |
| 06.27.05 (8:56 pm) [edit] |
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Two midterms today. Just got done with one of them, litterally. They told me I would have to do math ever again! My Asian test was...I hope it's OK. The situation was, study 8 questions, three sets of two will be on the test, pick one from each set. Of course of the three things I knew most about in each of thoses sets, one was on the test :roll: Got my paper back too. Lots of writing on it. Didn't feel like reading it. Bottom line: B+ I have been tired all day. I have determined that I do not just want to go to Disneyland. Disneyland seems like the most accessible "away" place I could go to (if it's so accessible, why can't I go?). Then I think, "I wanna go to Disney World." I find myself wishing I were on a car trip traveling around states 1000 miles from here. I also find myself wishing to go back to Europe. Conclusion:I just wanna go somewhere! I may go to my internship on Thursday versus Friday to accompany someone on a shoot. This would be good because that sounds like something I would enjoy, and I could get a 4-day weekend. But I would miss out on zoo drawing time. But I've seen the giraffes and zebras on the Savanna more than my mom in the last 3 weeks. Current Mood:  So very tired
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| 4 Comments |
| Get me outta here! |
| 06.26.05 (7:20 pm) [edit] |
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OMG! I so don't want to be here doing this shit! I want to go to Disneyland!! Current Mood:   Frustrated and a little stir crazy
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| 2 Comments |
| Another one of those days... |
| 06.26.05 (4:09 pm) [edit] |
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I feel like a failure. I have only done two things that I promised myself I would do beyond school in this current situation; I haven't worked out a single day since I got here, I haven't attempted any stop-motion movies, and I haven't been home a day since I got here. These last three weekends since I got here have been all about school-related shit; boat trip, paper, internship. It pisses me off that I haven't worked out. I feel pathetic by saying I don't have the time. But the evenings must reserved for doing the homework. I feel guilty about not working out. There is a goal I want to obtain, but I don't feel like I'm doing anything besides torturing myself and constantly thinking about the foods I want to eat. But my Bettie Page poster reminds me that being constantly hungry is a good thing. It means I'm not filling up on crap. The only thing I do that I promised myself I would do is go to the zoo on Fridays before internship. I consider that to be one of the two most important things I do all week, going to the internship is the other. I really don't care about all this crap! But that is why I am opting to do it now instead of when it is interrupting important classes. But there are other things I want to read. Just general stuff I'm curious about. Like figuring out if a more-or-less patriachal world came about because men know that women (especially during their periods in which we can endure searing pain, bleed without dying, and act irrational like me do everyday of the month) are more powerful than they are and they had to put a stop to all that and thus the tradition was passed down and spread throughout the world. Incidentally, why is a woman in so many cultures (including this one to some extent) when she has her period signifying she is a fertile healthy, woman is unclean, but when a man jacks off, also signifying he is healthy and fertile, and getting his private juices all over the sheets he's not unclean? Maybe I just feel particularly shitty now because it has been another one of those days where I haven't gotten dressed, haven't showered I've barely moved, and the only thing I have done besides study is take a nap and go to the bathroom; same thing I did last Saturday with that paper. Fortunately, I need to move my car so that will give me something to do. My brain hurts, I'm hungry, and I feel really blah. I'm debating if I should eat again. I had a (single serving, but not low-calorie) bag of popcorn not long ago. I have had...480 calories today. I guess I can afford a dinner or something. I am getting sick of that frozen white fish. I should get dressed and move my car just to get away from my desk and room. Current Mood:  blaaaaah
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| 1 Comments |
| Internet's back |
| 06.25.05 (4:14 pm) [edit] |
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'Bout stinkin' time! Yay. Now I can catch up on homework. (I say that like it's something I'm excited to do). Will write more later. Current Mood:  grateful
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| No internet |
| 06.25.05 (8:47 am) [edit] |
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I have not had internet since at least 1:30 Thursday afternoon. I am not betting it will come back before Monday. Evidentally, the powers that be don't care about us poor slobs who have online classes. (Ah, the wonders of technology!) Which means I will probsbly be spending much time in the library tomorrow...and if it's not back by Monday then that day too to take my online class! :? So frustrating. I guess I should be at least glad it decided not to crap out on my until after I registered for classes. What else? More frustrations: There is one more little itsy bitsy hoop I need to jump through before they can let me file paperwork to graduate :roll: It's like they don't want you to leave! And people wonder how I got to be such a cynical pessimistic bitch. Because it's always something! Nothing can just go according to schedule be just do what it's supposed to. And just when you think everthing My dad and brother are not going to Disneyland that weekend I mentioned. Instead, because of stupid Rod he's decided to have a party for the whole famn damily. This is frustrating for a few reasons. 1. They were going to be gone, and I could be with Jeremy for an evening and not have to worry. 2. I thought my mom and the 2 of us could go out to dinner afterwards, and that isn't going to happen if stupid Rod is there. 3. My dad knows that despite Jeremy coming in on Saturday (or so he thinks) I still have to go to the aquarium for school, and he doesn't care that this summer I have missed out on damn near everything. So if as far as I know, me and everyone else on campus is without internet, how am I blogging now? Because I had to come to an event for my internship today, one reason I didn't go home for my mom's birthday. (I woke up late for it this morning, it's a good thing I drive like a bat out of hell). And they took pitty on me for sitting here doing nothing but pushing record and stop every 20 minutes while these kids do their screen tests and falling alseep in the mean time. So they set me up with internet. Makes me wish I had my homework. So hopefully that internet situation will work itself out soon (I just had to push record). These headphones make my neck hurt. There's no fun headphone prattle in this project. That's why I like to be on camera/floor manager because you and all the people in the control room get to make fun of the talent and other things going on. Despite eating more last night than I do in about 2 days I am hungry. I had my first alcoholic beverage since I left home last night; it was a "silky rootbeer" or something, rootbeeer+absolut vanilla. Tasted like a rootbeer float with a little bite. I had a dream about the apocalypse and other strange things. Current Mood:bored and hungry |
| 1 Comments |
| Got everything I wanted |
| 06.22.05 (11:29 am) [edit] |
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Thank God! Now to go to my internship Current Mood  relieved
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| 1 Comments |
| I've got nothing |
| 06.21.05 (5:02 pm) [edit] |
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I litterally spent all day Saturaday sitting at my desk from about 9am-1am working on my paper. The furthest I walked was the 50 feet to the bathroom on the other side of the building. I definetly could not have done this if I took a 5+ hour round trip to Sacramento, and played in Tahoe, much as I love Fresh Air, Sunday brunch buffets, bonding with my dad, and 75 cent weak drinks from Harvey's Heavenly bar. *SIGH!* Well, none of those things are going anywhere. And neither is Las Vegas...I guess. Speaking of people doing things simply because it's summer, my brother convinced my dad to take him to Disneyland as a partial long-range driving trip, and because he hasn't been in the summer since last summer. I wonder if it had been me begging I would have gotten it? Probably. They did pay for Jeremy Mike and I to go last year, even though we weren't intending for them to. I have asked for other things like to go to art classes for a week in SoCal. Were i not busy with trying to get one degree, I could have. My request for a zoo pass went something like this, "Dad, can I have a pass for the zoo?" "OK." Had I wanted to go to Disneyland, first off, I would not have been nearly as insistent and obnoxious about it and probably not been so selfish to ask. Jeremy will be here in 2.5 weeks. Then we will go to the Montery Bay Aquarium which I don't remember going to since I was three years old. I like to eat fruit, and vegetables. But they always rot before I eat them. Which is why this time I did not buy hardly any food that did not initially come from an animal or a plant, however GMOed the two may be. Shopping was much easier today than last time. I think may be starting to turn into a cat...or maybe a penguin... No. cats don't season their fish with teriyaki. Yay! New Teen Girl Squad! I like doing school this way. It's quiet (except for my perky and abrasive next door neighbor who I like, but would love to shoot with a rhino tranq), I can come and go without ever worrying about parking, I have just the one class to go to, it's not miserably hot, I live alone. Yes, this is nice. Now if only I was taking classes I wanted to take versus ones I need.:roll: My Asian class puts me to sleep, no matter how much sleep I've had the night before. I'm not sure if it's the material or the teacher. Maybe both. Maybe if the class were more narrative and he were more interesting, rather than just lecturing about fragmented facts. Tomorrow, at 1:20, I register for classes. Think happy thoughts. Think happy thoughts. Hopefully it's not that late in the process. 3 or 4 past efforts gone awry can scar one. I think that's why I am also a Radio TV Film major; when I couldn't get art classes, which was most of the time early on, I got RTVF classes. *Deep Breath* Current Mood: NervousWhat's on:King of the Hill - Ceci N'Est Pas une King of the Hill |
| 1 Comments |
| this entry has no subject |
| 06.17.05 (5:18 pm) [edit] |
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I hate that school makes me do things when I would rather be doing other things. I was caught up for about 12 hours last week. I was up until 6 doing a paper on Wednesday night/Thursday morning (which I realized at 12 am I was doing all wrong and completely started over). That was an interesting time. I was on a caffine buzz for a little bit. And I would type words that formed coherrent sentences, then my mind would read it back, and I could read the words, but it didn't look like English. (Later, it turned out to be). This weekend, instead of going home, and possibly to Lake Tahoe, and feeling full for once, I am stuck here catching up on Oceanography crap, and writing a paper that's due on Monday comparing an aspects of old Indian and Chinese culture. I have finally decided my topic is comparing the way Buddha(s) is/are represented in Indian versus Chinese art. (Mandy, that's riveting). Next weekend, I'm not going home either because I have to help out with the finalists of a contest for high school students, the one where most of the kids wrote about peer pressure (when peer pressure and other pressures are really derived out of fear). So I won't get to go home for my mom's birthday either. Went to the zoo today. I don't think I came out with one good picture. I drew polar bears, regular bears, zebras, rhinos, antelope, warthogs (they have the weirdest skulls!) kangaroos, and a koala. Rhinos skip when they run. They are so massive and bulky but like little ballerinas when they run. Then I went to my internship where I watched a bunch of public service anoucements. When you watch so many PSAs back to back, you find that most are really depressing; 2 pound babies, grandpa losing his memory, inner city kids with no playgrounds. So it's probably just as well that programmers begrudgingly put them in with their regular commercials under compliance with the law. I am hungry all the time. I want a kitty. So, in my last entry I wrote about animal heads on sticks. (I haven't decided what they are doing yet, but something funny). I know that animal heads on sticks is not clear. So now I need anyone's opinion. Below are the ones they have in San Francisco. Which 2 is the funniest or best combination?     Thank you. Better do the homework I couldn't go home to do. Current Mood:  frustrated.What's on: King of the Hill - The Incredible Hank |
| 5 Comments |
| I wonder if ths is a bad sign... |
| 06.14.05 (8:40 pm) [edit] |
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I was without internet again for a long period of time. And it always seems to happen when I want to be working on homework the most, dammit. Someone should make a parody of Dawn of the Dead and the new Land of the Dead called Lawn of the Dead. Something about gardens coming back to life and wrecking havoc on the lawns regulated by associations in uptight neighborhoods everywhere. If you are a big Hollywood producer and are interested in my informal pitch just leave a comment on my blog and we'll talk. Today I went grocery shopping. I spent most of my time reading nutrition facts on food I like or could like because either the serving size had greater than 200 calories or because the ones that were less than 100 calories, I didn't feel I could trust myself to stick to the serving size. As a result, I ended up with 2 manmade foods; Smart Pop Popcorn (in single serving minibags), 100 calories and sugar free jello pudding, 60 calories. I went to the so-called "Health food" aisle. I was amazed. All the bars and foods over there that are "good for you" have just as many calories as a regular candy bar. If I am going to indulge, it might as well be with the real thing. I got into a slight disagreement with my mom because I stupidly thought a tasty salad that I had previously enjoyed would be a nice change. So she started reading me the ingredients, Ramen noodles: 190 calories, slivered almonds: 340 calories. And I said I didn't need those things for a salad because they had so much, and she got mad and said I didn't want flavor. I am convinced more than ever that this is part of God's cruel sense of humor; anything with any damn flavoring to it will get you fat. I also determined this morning that I cannot ever eat at a fast food (and probably regular) restaurant ever again. I haven't worked out a day since I've been here. Damn online class. Actually, I withdraw my comments here. I am doing a good thing; not eating unnatural high calorie foods. So what if I am hungry all the time? Now that I realize that there is nothing i can eat at the grocery store or a fast food restaurant, shopping should be easier; i won't have to bother looking at all the foods. And when those impure thoughts of french fries and Double Stuf Oreos, I should remember why I'm doing all this:  Because I want to be beautiful, 140 pounds and maybe contented with myself. I should put up that poster. Current Mood:  :arrow: motivated once more
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| 2 Comments |
| Today |
| 06.10.05 (10:08 pm) [edit] |
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So most of yesterday I was without internet. This is very frustrating when you have an online class and are seriously making an effort to catch up on your assignments. Now I am talking to Jeremy so that doesn't count. Today I woke up at 6:30 because for some reason I thought I was going to leave at 8, mount the bike to the car, park 2 miles away from the zoo by the Cliff House/GG Park, and ride, or possibly walk, depending on how motivated I was to mount the bike at 7:30, to the zoo, that opens at 10. I departed 7:45, completely ignored the directions I wrote from the map software, found a place to park by the beach a block away instead of litterally 2 miles, and arrived at 8:30 with an hour and a half to kill. I completely forgot the sweater I bought yesterday partially for this occassion. So while I wasn't unbearably cold it would have helped walking along the beach. Then I walked around the beachy area, went to the zoo where I was able to draw animals on the Savanna, until the field trip crowd became unbearable. So many little kids. They have no reguard for personal space. What is it about children and animals? They swarmed around my torso and legs as I was quietly minding my own business and drawing. They climb up whatever they can to see the animals (because a giraffe viewed from 10 feet away is better seen at 6 more inches of the ground). And they always have to shout, "Look, Mommy! It's a Zebra!" "They've got Gorillas over here!" "Deeeer! Deeeer! Deeeer!" Pipe down, kid! I think I am going to buy one of those animal heads on a stick that you can move it's head by gripping the handle at the bottom. Perhaps to be used in some video project or another. So I got my zoo membership, good for one year. It came with a lot of extra goodies, including a free admission for someone else discounts, free rides and food, and half off to a crapload of zoos around the country, including the one in Sac. I was there from 10-1. I only Then I went to my internship where I photocopied entries for the Student Council contest. Students have two write in <200 words what the biggest issue facing teens is. About 60% are about peer pressure (I never felt much peer pressure in hight school. But I guess that was one nice thing about not having friends in high school; no pressure). And probably another 15% are about pressure in general. I was the last promotions person to leave today, mostly by my choice. Photocopying those entries has been my primary purpose there so far. I saw a commercial on for the contest saying, "Enter today!" and my automatic thought was, "No! Don't make me do more work!"> I joined up with my dad, grandma and aunt Mary at Carrows for dinner. He brought me my blanket and a real pillow! (Yay!) And my Life Aquatic DVD. Well, I've got to be at my bay cruise for oceanography in 7.5 hours. I thought it was in San Francisco on the Embaracadero, which is what I foresaw myself doing the rest of the day. Then I found out it was in Redwood City. But I still want to play on the Embarcadero a bit. So I may just have to do that for the helluvit. Current Mood: tired
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| I miss Jeremy |
| 06.08.05 (12:02 am) [edit] |
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Everyone has mentioned Jeremy today; Kelly brought him up in an IM, Andrea mentioned him in her blog, Amee, who wants to get together with me next week, brought him up. For those of you playing the home game, Amee was one of my three best friends throughout elementary and junior high school along with Kelly and Brittany. Amee is getting a second bac at SJSU in biology or something (I hypothesize because she didn't know what to do with her life after graduating from UC Berkley in 3 years). Brittany is in Missouri. I haven't talked to her in awhile. The point of all that everyone is talking about him. And I miss him so much. He can be so sweet when he wants to be. Current Mood:   loved but lonely
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| 2 Comments |
| Back at school |
| 06.07.05 (8:05 pm) [edit] |
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I meant to delete that last post. I was depressed about myself. I was going to delete it. But then people commented on it so I left it. And I don't think it's whinning if you say you're going to do something about it. Then of course, the first thing I do after my first day of internship is buy $50 worth of food; just shows how full of shit I am. Granted, the most fattening thing were some avocados. And I did this before I read everyone's comments. I would have gone to the gym tonight but I realized I threw my headphones away at the end of last semester. There I go making excuses again.:roll: So I have a dorm room the size of the one I had when I was living with Andrea all to myself. It's not miserably hot. In fact, it's really cold here at night. But it hasn't been terribly warm lately. And I forgot all my blankets except my sheets so now I sleep under towels and clothes. I knew my closest neighbor from the 12th floor. She is going to be moving into my old room. She is very loud, like at 11:30 at night or 8:30 in the morning whne I am attempting to sleep. Internship was pretty boring. I made a butt-load of photocopies for a teenage contest they are doing. I made fun of the kids who felt it necessary to send in their freakin' life stories in addition to the entry they really wanted. What else? Jerry Springer and San Francisco Bay trip are not going to an issue. Classes look like they are going to be a bitch. I guess that' it. I thought I had a lot more to say. Current Mood:  coldWhat's on: D.E.B.S. |
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| What have I done? |
| 06.05.05 (11:52 am) [edit] |
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Why did I allow this to happen to myself? I have turned back into the manitee that I dested a few years ago. I wasn't even that thin a year or two ago. I've gotten bad again. This is completely unacceptable. There is no excuse for my behavior over the last year. The companies who make clothes for fat people are enablers! Damn them. They allow us to make excuses for ourselves. I gladly go back to San Jose State, where, because those damn fast food places won't be open, I won't be tempted to eat there, nobody can watch me to make sure I eat, water is all I need, water and maybe lettuce! I will calculate the calories taken in versus out! I will exercise more than I did ever before (God I hope that gym is open during the summer!) The pool will be anyway. Except that swimming burns about half the calories that biking does, dammit! Perhaps the work will be a good diversion from food and a seditary lifestyle.  I am going to buy this poster to hang in my dorm to motivate me. Everyone seems to think I am never happy and that I am an incessantly miserable person. More on that later. However, if I looked like this, that would solve one of my issues. What I have allowed myself to do is completely inexcusable! I am stronger than food! Nothing could possibly be as satisfying as being beautiful! I will be thinner than I have ever been before! I can do this! I will not allow myself to become this kind of pig ever again!!!!! I'd better get back to packing up. Current Mood: :arrow:empowered!What's on:Penny Serenade |
| 3 Comments |
| Lazyass |
| 06.02.05 (10:40 am) [edit] |
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This place. It's like Jupiter. Gravity here is 250% of what I am used to. I don't feel like I do anything. All I do is sit in front of my computer and play free cell. I remember when playing free cell was something I did to relax, not an automatic thing. I haven't blogged because there is nothing to say. I sit around, watch TV, eat, and feel guilty about eating and not even attempting to work it off. The best thing I did was walk down to the wetlands one day and draw geese and ducks and then swim in the very chilly pool later. It hasn't been miserably hot enough to swim all the time. I did go to San Jose for a pre-internship meeting. My mom and I stayed in a hotel by ourselves. My dad and Mike were supposed to join us. But my dad got caught up doing work stuff and it got too late to come. We went to a nice restaurant that my mom likes for dinner. The meeting ended up being people talking about the major motion picture that I am now sorry that I am not getting to work on. It should have been a 10 minute meeting for the 4 or 5 of us not working on the movie. Oh well. Susquehanna finally rejected me, six weeks later. I forgot to tell them I rejected them first. I have been complaining about not getting to go anywhere. I still wish I could even take just a trip to Disneyland. Incidentally, I officially am not going to Vegas becuase they decided to make their reservations in the middle of the week and my dad would not commit to taking me down there. So now I am not doing a damn thing this summer. On the one hand, I wish I had something to look forward to. I wish that I didn't have to move out only to move right back in. I wish that I didn't have to study such invigorating topics as Oceanography and Anthropology something-or-another. I wish I could be here in my air-conditioned house, clean private pool and simple comforts like air conditioning, and big refridgerators. But I also will go somewhere and feel useful and worked. I won't have a meal plan, so maybe I can get back to losing weight and eating less and not feeling like such a lazy cow. And if I'm lucky, I can use the editing software at school to practice stop motion this summer. So I am very conflicted. My car/house/bike keys are lost. I have no idea where they could be. But I am going to be needing them in a few days. Things feel weird between Jeremy and I. I feel like our conversations are charged with negative energy and uncertainty. Something else I never felt when I was doing school was just lonely and wanting human contact. All it seems like we do is have tense "What if" conversations and worry. I wish everything was behind us; that he had a job, that everything was resolved, and we could spend our nights together and be fucking happy already, dammit! I found out that the Jerry Springer thing I thought I would have to do this weekend is off (which is good) but it may be Friday night, or Saturday from 10-2. The latter is bad. The one field trip I have for my oceanography class, while in San Francisco, is either from 7:35-12 or 12:35-5. As you can see, this could be bad. Current Mood: lazy
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Something else will go here soon KSJS Radio Promotion
5 KSJS Drops