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| Stuff |
| 10.31.05 (5:01 pm) [edit] |
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I've had something absolutely pervasive to do for so long, now I don't want to do anything, even though there I things I should be doing, such as doing some much-needed cleaning, tracing, or finding my ellusive mail keys. Plus I only slept for an hour It's strange, I can't the look of the color grid out of my eye; it's like a negative after image after you stare into a lightbulb. I've been really insecure lately about stuff...insecure, frustrated, and stressed. I'd rather not get into it. I had hoped I would get more trick or treaters. Thus far, I have gotten 2. I've got a pumpkin, and 4 bags of candy. Now I'm going to have a shitload of candy that I don't really need. I'm a bit disappointed. This weekend I am going home for the first time since my anniversary on which my family, Jeremy, and I went to Reno. The thing I am most looking forward to doing is getting a real hair cut; my bangs haven't been trimmed since I was in a dorm so it's driving me quite insane, and my hair is blocking my t-shirts so it's time to get it cut. Speaking of my family going places, it is very possible but not quite probable that I may be going to Disneyland immediately after the holiday season. I wrote to them and asked when they were going to close Small World and Haunted Mansion to restore them back to normal, and they wrote back and said the 4th and 6th of January respectively. Knowing from experience how exponentially business decreases immeddiately after the holiday, and that every public school starts back on the 3rd, I suggest we drive down on the 2nd (while everyone who marched in the Rose Parade goes to Disneyland), and begin attending on the 3rd when no one will be there. Good plan, eh? I want to go so bad. My mom hasn't been in an appalling 3 years (2003, drove to WDW with me, went to Disney World twice that year; 2004, just Jeremy Mike and I went). And, if Jeremy decides that he can go, and will behave himself, one thing he won't have to do is whine about getting up early. Although for Jeremy, before noon is early. Shit. If I am going to be a second bac at SJSU, I need to reapply. I need to make a trip down to The Paul McCartney concert is a week from tonight; that was Jeremy's graduation present. It doesn't seem like it. I bought the tickets so long ago, and unlike other concerts in the past, I've had too much on my mind to dwell on going and get excited about it. Plus exciting events never seem real to me until they are actually happening. I am still seeking employment. Let's see, I have applied to: 3 Starbucks, Toys R US, a Halloween store, Michael's, Beverly's, Target, Borders, and JC Penny's, Hot Topic, Torrid, Old Navy, Hallmark, Century Theaters (3 times now), Blush, Prints Plus, Claire's and Macy's at Oakridge. Of those 19 places, only 3 have offered me first interviews; Toys R Us, Blush, and Macy's for which I have an appointment next Monday (yes, right before my concert). It's frustrating. My parents question how hard I have been seeking employment. However, considering how hard I've been working in school... I have now read 4 original scrpts on imsdb.com; Etnernal Sunshine is basically the same with a different beginning/end that takes place in the future, Truman Show goes on for awhile after he gets off the set, Labyrinth doesn't have as many challenges, and Election ends a little differently, all of the stories are very much the same. I need to do...something... I don't know what... Current Mood:   slightly relaxed and slightly hungryWhat's on: The Simpsons - Treehouse of Horror XII |
| 1 Comments |
| Old Age Make-Up Poll |
| 10.30.05 (6:51 pm) [edit] |
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Well, tomorrow is Halloween. Tomorrow is also the day the biggest assiest assignment of my painting class is due. Which means a good portion of the class will be up all night, myself included if I keep blogging here. Anyway, as a joke, (as if I'll need it) I'm considering putting on the old age make up (for those of you playing the home game, scroll down the portfolio...I need to update that thing) and making some comment about what the experience did to me... Thoughts? Someday I won't be too lazy to post my mood. |
| 3 Comments |
| 27 hours left |
| 10.30.05 (5:53 am) [edit] |
| I just gotta get through today... |
| 1 Comments |
| Crap |
| 10.28.05 (9:21 pm) [edit] |
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See subject. That is all |
| 2 Comments |
| Gotta work |
| 10.27.05 (6:50 am) [edit] |
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Must get to work either looking for the missing Bullwinkle DVD, or the mail key, or more importantly, painting. This nonsense at the bottom of the posting page is new... ooh! and it changes every time I reload the page! |
| 2 Comments |
| Not enough time |
| 10.25.05 (7:45 pm) [edit] |
| Dammit. Why do I always feel like I'm falling behind? |
| 1 Comments |
| Body weight |
| 10.24.05 (4:54 am) [edit] |
| The gravity is greater between 4 am and 8 am than any other time of day. |
| 1 Comments |
| Overwhelmed |
| 10.23.05 (2:06 pm) [edit] |
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I feel so overwhelmed with the tasks ahead of me that I am procrastinating from doing them. I've gotten a little animation done, nothing on the color grid; nothing since the first pass. Shit. Things feel really lousy right now. Oh, good. Now the speakers on my computer as well as in my car are occassionally only playing out the right side...:? Current Mood:  slightly overwhelmed
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| 0 Comments |
| Apartment Fun |
| 10.20.05 (7:59 am) [edit] |
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According to my mom, my dad has been saying that for me to stay in the apartment is costing me double what it did in the dorm. I strongly disbelieve that it is costing double to live here versus there. However, as she is telling me all this a voice in my head is screaming, "I know exactly how we can save some money for me to live here!!!" So at first I felt guilty about it. But at the same time he knows exactly how to half his costs and he won't. So I don't know how to feel right now. Even my mom admits he's a jerk. This conversation about "The future" with my mom has turned out to be fun. And here I was just trying to find my dad to talk to him about digital cameras... Current Mood:  mildly depressedEdit: One of the things my mom was persistent on was "How officially has he asked you to marry him?" For her to be asking this is silly considering the last time I breifly mentioned a wedding I was instructed to go out and try on wedding dresses asap... |
| 0 Comments |
| Grocery Store!!! |
| 10.18.05 (10:45 am) [edit] |
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I got a grocery store to film in for my movie!!!!!!! Thank God! I was worried. I am so thankful I have the teacher I have, she is well-connected. Without her, I would really be SOL. Current Mood:  Ecstatic
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| 0 Comments |
| Shut in |
| 10.16.05 (2:06 pm) [edit] |
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It seems like I hardly ever get asked to do stuff with by either of 2 of my friends (excluding Jeremy) and of course this weekend when I need to be a shut-in (and for every weekend hence forth until November, like I said) both of my friends want me to amuse them. Need to go grocery shopping one of these days. I have nothing to drink besides water. Feel like I'm on the centrifugue again... Nothing has been proven to change people's behaviors so radically as a video camera. I have found this to be true in my filming this weekend in downtown, and at PBS with the phonebanks. The power of the professional-looking video camera on people should be studied... as should people's reactions to little woodden men in places where they don't seem to belong. |
| 0 Comments |
| busy busy busy |
| 10.13.05 (2:17 pm) [edit] |
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I seriously need a clone... This just in: People suck donkey balls. |
| 0 Comments |
| Stressed |
| 10.12.05 (5:19 am) [edit] |
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH !!! That is all. Maybe you'll hear from me again in November. I want to go home. I want to go to San Francisco. I want to get a job. I want to not wake up at 6:30 with my mind racing thinking of everything I need to do and then wake up again at 7:30 wanting to sleep some more. I want to make it through my day without a nap. I want a computer with a CD player that works for a change. I want to have it be a month from now. I want my back not to hurt so much from hunching over I want to not live on energy drinks. |
| 1 Comments |
| this entry has no subject |
| 10.09.05 (10:46 am) [edit] |
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How could I be so tired when I haven't done anything? I wish Jeremy and I could go out to dinner but we can't afford it; not since Jeremy's impounding experience, and not since I had a nervous breakdown because of my lack of money. My parents aresuspicious of how I could run up a credit card bill and are now going to make me keep receipts for everything I charge. I think they are expecting to find beer and candy in every grocery or art supply bill; they are going to be (and will have been) disappointed. I wish I could get a job, but the stress of finding one may just cause me to go into a mental overload. I was told someone from Toys R Us would call me later for a second interview sometime this week :lol: That means I will have to call them back later... Which movie will I watch now? Incidentally, Target is a shitty place to buy movies. Go to Best Buy instead. I wish I had all the Disney movies, cartoons, and Red Green and Muppet Show episodes my family does... I wish I could go home. But I don't think that will happen until at least November... Next weekend, I have the camera again (which reminds me, I have finally gone from preproduction to production), and on Friday night we haze the new pledges. I hope Cosentino agrees to do this movie. It hasn't helped me any that he's been on vacation. If he doesn't agree I am hosed. I had a dream that people who were going to be graduating were put up on a stage. I was one of them (along with my cousin who, after 3 kids and other stuff, will this year too) but I was uncertain as to whether it would actually happen. Knowing this school system, I should probably look into all that... I want to go to Disneyland. Even knowing I am going to Disneyland would give me something to look forward to, besides this month being over. This feels like the first semester the work is front-loaded. Usually all the work comes around the end of the semester. This time, it's more towards the beginning. I'd better get back to work...and movie watching. Current Mood: stressed
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| 2 Comments |
| Stress |
| 10.06.05 (7:22 am) [edit] |
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I have seriously never had a semester, a fall semester no less seem to go by so fast. I have the all-exciting infamous color grid due at the end of this month which takes up a lot of time. I have a black and white painting due in a few weeks that I have barely worked on. Right now all of my attention seems to be on the short film. I feel like every day this week has been focused on it. Of course, my first day of shooting is on Saturday morning at the Light Rail and I have been making sure that things are good to go for that, which it looks like the will be. :D Today I need to harass the owner of Cosentino's Markets (who has not called me back yet) now that he's home from vacation and beg and plead for his permission to film there. I feel bad that I am more worried about this movie than the painting. But I know I can (and will) stay up all night doing a painting. Plus those projects are just between me and the paint. But with this movie, I have to deal with other people, and some beauracracy, and calling people multiple times making sure things are clicking along. This month is going to be a bitch and a half. A teacher said at the beginning of the year "Pretend like you don't have any time." I don't have to pretend anymore. This is one reason why I wanted to have a party last weekend because God knows when I'll get to be social again. Which reminds me, I wonder what, if anything Kelly wants to do for her birthday. I have a present for her. Well, she can't even show up to my damn party... It doesn't really matter. I almost litterally have no money. The credit card bill my parents pay to cover school and living expenses is almost maxed out and it doesn't need to be paid off until the end of the month. I looked at the statement, and only about $100 of restaurants could have been avoided. The rest were in fact school or living related. I had hoped that after the first few weeks of school it would stop going so high. But I don't think that's going to happen until November. At least I hope I am done with art supplies. But now I've got movie shit with portable lights and lotsa other crap. Since I spent about twice what I normally do on the party last weekend I had hoped not to go to the grocery store this week. But all my bread went moldy, and it's hard to make a substantial meal off of celery sticks, fruit chunks, and beer (although I think Jeremy would gladly try). But I don't think I have enough credit left to do that. And I don't have enough money in my checking account to cover groceries. I have called my dad twice now asking him to do something about it (he's in New York right now which means there is no possibility of him catching Jeremy and I) and he wants to sit down in front of the computer and look at it together. This is starting to piss me off because it seems like he just can't take my word for it and look at it at his convinience. If I actually had money that would be different. I would feel less stressed and in some control. But I myself have nothing. I haven't bought anything other than food simply for myself. I wonder if there is a correlation between my busyness and the amount of money spent... And to add to the stress, I don't feel like I can try for a job. That place where they dress up little girls to look like drag queens called me back for an interview. I have honestly never crashed and burned in an interview so assuredly. She needed someone with the skills right then and there to hunt down shoplifters, and training was out of the question. I found myself with absolutely nothing to say in my defense. No one I applied with at the mall has called me back for a job. Everytime I call Toys R Us (who I called back several times last week) they give me some excuse. I don't feel like given everything that's going on I can ask people for interviews and not be able to show up for them. I am so busy with the movie and these painting assignments. I want a job badly. I want money and independence. But this is what I feared would happen. Either no one would call me back for one or I would get so busy I couldn't keep one. I don't understand people who are hiring. It's like they just want to waste your time and get your hopes up. Jeremy has gotten a side job driving my grandmother around at which he makes $12.50/h with a minimum of $25 a day. Plus with his new job he said he could chip in a little more, and maybe take me out to dinner. But on Tuesday night he got his car towed out of the parking lot here because he parked in a white, uncovered area without a parking permit, which I thought he understood was against the rules. Up to now, he'd been parking in the green guest areas which I thought he was doing because he knew he was supposed to when it was really beacause he didn't know any better. Besides, there are no signs around the complex saying "Capitol Village Permits only, all others will be towed." So at midnight that night, even later than Jeremy got home, some fucker couldn't find a parking space and decided to have him removed from his. Which meant that his car was impounded. Which meant that last night, after finally getting on light rail around 10 (my dad always has a shitfit about me doing that) rather than coming home, relaxing, painting, having a few beers, I got to go out driving around on 880 looking for a non-existent Stockton exit, turning around in Milpitas, going the wrong way on 101, and then driving around the dark streets of San Jose trying to find this damn place, then after finding it, driving him to an ATM to get the $255 to spring his car. So now Jeremy has sworn off spending any money for two weeks. He sarcastically says, "Yay, I have a whole $800 left" to which I say, "I wish I had that much!" I remember when I had $700 sitting around in a mini Rocky and Bullwinkle lunchbox. *Sigh* Well, time to do...something. Current Mood: stressed
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| 1 Comments |
| It could have been worse... |
| 10.02.05 (2:47 pm) [edit] |
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Well... I thought my cousin and a lady friend of his would come over, as well as Kelly and her guy. Obviously, they did'nt come. But Andrea, who said she couldn't come, ended up coming. Mary and Curtis came, but only for a little while. So it could have been worse. From this I learned I will never throw another party again; I don't have enough friends, and you can never count on people to do anything. I've thought about having the Tau Delta Phi mixer here, but that seems like a sure way to make sure no one shows up. If you want to read all the details about why people didn't come, read below. Kelly called around 7 and asked when she should come over. I said come now. We called her once, and she didn't answer. At 9:30, she came online and was talking to me in all caps saying that she drove around the complex a bunch of times, and called a bunch of times (the phone never rang once). Jeremy's last words on the phone to her were, "Get over here" at which point she promptly signed off, and after taking turns standing around outside for an hour, we gave up and left the door open, called again, still no answer, and an hour or two after that we shut the door. And we never heard from my cousin... Andrea crochetted, and we ended up attempting to watch Life Aquatic on my tiny 9" TV. It's really hard to see from 11 feet away. If there are subtitles, forget it. Jeremy looks funny when he's on the phone. Current Mood:  tired
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