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| More good news |
| 05.06.06 (9:26 am) [edit] |
|
The drawings I attempted to turn in yesterday were so bad and completely insalvagable the teacher could not even comment on them and in my opinion I was doing everthing I thought I needed to be doing.
Here is the chain of things: The drawings from yesterday show what you know. If the drawings are so fundamentally I then must know nothing. Yet, I pratice a lot, and am learning a lot. Lately, I get a lot of positive feedback on the drawings I do in class (from the same guy). Does that mean I don't know anything? The drawings are looking good...for me. Is it that no matter how much I practice or how hard I try I never will get it? Why does everyone else get it? Am I the only one? It sure feels like it. The reality is everyone is better than me (despite what my stupid dad insists). My perception is everyone else just seems to get it and no matter what, I don't. I am convinced more than ever I must have a learning disability. Somethin' ain't quite right in the head. If Jeremy hadn't gotten blood all over my cover page I might have turned it in by now. However in that class, my grades will be based on that effort he sees rather than the actual grade. Which means I'll probably get an A; a pity grade. Here's the funny thing about my mom. I won't get into the whole story. But I called to ask her if she did something she said she would do yet. And she lit into me about how sick she's been and how dare I open up the conversation with a question about what she's done rather than a "How are you feeling?" It's interesting because In the past couple weeks I have felt severely depressed, hopeless, worthless, slightly suicidal, AND I've gotten a job interview at the movie theatre. She has never once acknowledged any of these things. Stuff really really sucks. 17 more miserable days till my last final. And I am so sick of people saying, "Well, hang in there, it's almost done." Yes, I know that! But that doesn't allieviate the shit I have to deal with now does it? That doesn't change the fact that I still have to do the Maya shit, and the tidepool I am now further behind on than anyone else, and the fact that I feel worthless until then. It's just so annoying. It's like saying, "Whatever you feel right now doesn't matter because it won't be like that much longer." Current Mood:  shitty
|
posted by: dre (reply)
post date: 05.06.06 (7:55 am)
i would just like to validate your shitty feelings. this semester is self-esteem damaging shit. that is all.
posted by: Bun-Bun (reply)
post date: 05.06.06 (7:11 pm)
I want to see some of this so-called crap. If you are going to discount my opinions I should be allowed to see what you and he are basing your thoughts on that make me so wrong.
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