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| Hating my body |
| 09.20.04 (4:46 pm) [edit] |
|
Anything I want to say now? I found out that my old journal's website has ceased to exist. However, all the entries are being uploaded to a new website. Of course, as of right now, my new login name at that website is one letter too long. Supposedly, that will be fixed soon. Fucking uJournal. Do you ever eat very little during the day, and then when you do eat something, you realize what crap it was, and feel totally guilty about it later to the point you don't want to eat anything else all day? I feel that right now. I'll probably eat something else anyway. The class that made me cry about 3 or 4 weeks ago was cancelled. I should be taking advantage of this opportunity to go to the gym. We had a female model in my art class today (Jeremy, if you read this before we talk tonight, I will answer all your questions later). Of course she took off her clothes and everyone drew her. I would never do that. I would make myself naked in front of total strangers that I would never see again, or, circumstance depending, very close friends. However, not quasi-aquaintences, or people I am likely to see again. I am conscious that I make some sort of automatic assessment of the model of how they look before I get to drawing them. If they are female, usually I compare them to myself. For example, the model today, don't know how old she was, couldn't've been much older than me, but I looked at her, thought, "Well, she's not that thin" this negative thought was proceeded by, "She's a helluva lot thinner than you, fatass!" Dammit. I need to start eating less and working out more! Well, going to now go ruin my body again with more food. I should keep telling myself "Nothing could taste as good as looking good feels" but I somehow always forget to remind myself that. I think I am directing in lab tomorrow. Yippy. I don't do good under pressure. I just see myself totally fucking it all up. I have 802 hits. Someone is reading this garbage. In the last 5 entries I have gone from miserable, to good, back to miserable, to neutral, and now disgusted with my appearance. Why doesn't anyone comment? Someone out there, sympathize, tell me I'm full of shit, laugh at stuff, agree with me, give me a reason to not be so negative/positive/neutral ! Hello hello Is there anybody in there...just nod if you can hear me...is there anyone home...?" Current Mood:  Self-Loathing
|
posted by: maristgirl07 (reply)
post date: 09.20.04 (5:03 pm)
aww i hope you start to feel better about yourself....but i totally undestand, some days you just don't feel good about yourself, and even the thinnest people can think they're fat
posted by: lawngnome (reply)
post date: 09.20.04 (5:04 pm)
Hey, if you are looking for something that helps weight loss, try what I did.
I cut soda 95% out of my diet. I switched to drinking lots of water. That got rid of alot of empty calories. I also got a bit more energy... and a fuller feeling.
Good luck. :)
posted by: Bun-Bun (reply)
post date: 09.21.04 (6:02 am)
You already know what I would say, so I won't print it here, but just remind you to think about it. You're beautiful. You're smart. You're talented. You're just wonderful. You're just not the same as any one else, and why in the hell would you want to be???
posted by: Jeremy (reply)
post date: 09.21.04 (10:28 am)
Thanks you people for telling her these things that sshe should feel better about herself. She is beautifual and smart. She should have a better conept. If I were there I would smack the back of her head each time she posts things like this.
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