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| (see blog title) |
| 12.09.04 (9:33 am) [edit] |
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I would have written this last night, but I was incredibly tired not to mention overwhelmed once again with that tredmill feeling of the scenery never changes no matter how long or fast you run, so maybe I should just stop expecting to see any positive changes. But happy stuff first:  I went to the KSJS free prescreening of Life Aquatic. I saw it with Andrea's friend Narineh, and her boyfriend who just happened to show up. It was very funny and irreverent but very different from Royal Tennebaums. There was a lot of fanciful stop-motion ocean creatures that I really liked (directed by the same director of Nightmare Before Christmas). I had a good time... It seems I post this comment a lot: "Pleasure comes in small doses; it's a cigarette, a chocolate chip cookie, a five second orgasm. You cum, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep, you get up, you go to fucking work. End of story, okay!!!" --Dennis Leary The later part of the evening brought the aforementioned tredmill feeling, along with the damned if I do, damned if I don't feeling, and the recurring why I am I not allowed to be generally happy for more than a few weeks at a time? question. I guess that last one gets back to that whole Dennis Leary quote... I'm tired of being jealous of almost everyone in a relationship whose partner lives in the same town/county/area code/state/500 mile radius/side of the Mississippi as themselves. But there are no good answers... Oh, to be The Apathetic Wonder, ever undaunted and unbothered by things. I think I have a truly bizarre personality flaw. This is that I don't quit things that I don't like or that are hard. I could have stopped taking AP History/Honor English in high school, gotten out of that horrible Japanese class with a W grade, dropped out of Tau Delta Phi, I could choose a major that will allow me to graduate a year or less sooner, I could have opted not to persue a relationship a relationship with someone in the same town/county/area code/state/500 mile radius/side of the Mississippi as myself. But I haven't done any of those things. Why? It would be so much easier to say, "Yes, I will stop doing these things because they are difficult and/or uncomfortable." But I don't! WHY?! This is when I feel like that coyote picture on Sunday 12.05.04 [9:00 pm] And no Jeremy, this is not my subtle way of breaking up or saying I don't want to be in a realtionship with you. There are no good answers for the way things are going to happen. I didn't really make up a Christmas list this year. I don't really care. But I have decided to officially ask for this item, which immediately struck a chord with me the first time I saw it.  Current Mood:  a bit depressedWhat's on: I Miss You - Rolling Stones (that song is total coincidence) |
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