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| Prisoner |
| 04.25.05 (12:19 am) [edit] |
|
This project, this drawing, it has taken me captive. It consumes my life. I don't sleep more than 2 hours a night anymore because of it. It causes extreme feelings of guilt about doing things like going home for a birthday, or volunteering at PBS (which I think I signed up to do before spring break). I skip classes so that I can do work for another class because at night and in the afternoons I'm doing it for litterally hours on end. There are 3 or 4 other things I have ignored in favor of this thing that needs to be perfect. And just when I thought I got it, I didn't have it anymore. I'm taking a break now, a blog break. I need it. This blog keeps some of my sanity, such as it is these days. It looks like shit. It really does. And there is no hiding it. There is only one thing I can hope for. And that is that he won't suggest I take one more day to work on it and instead he gives me a passing grade and leaves it at that. I'm sick of this. I've got a life outside of this class, but you wouldn't know it. I'm also sick of people blowing sunshine and rainbows up my ass. Everyone around the dorms is saying, "Oh! It looks great! It's really coming along!" What the fuck do they know?! My dad made the point of 99%of the population thinks what I do is good. Fuck that 99%! That 99% knows shit. It's that critical 1% that I need to impress. I don't understand why I couldn't do it. All these little signs around my room are right. Everyone is better than me. And right now, there isn't anything I can do about it. I feel like a failure. Like none of my artistic goals will be realized. Maybe tomorrow I'll say some more positive things about my life. Hopefully, the skies will be bluer then. By which I mean I will be relieved of this project. No one has responded yet to my interest in an internship. Of course, none of them will give you a phone number and they all explicitly say, "No phone calls" and I said I would follow up with them in a week to check my status. But if they can't even email or call me to say yes or no, why should they write when I ask what is going on? Everything seems like shit! I told my parents I was going to San Francisco next weekend. They told me I shouldn't be afraid to tell them when I do. I don't think I'll be telling them again. Because when I do, I get, "Well, who are you going with? No one? Do you really think that's a good idea?" No one wants to go bike riding with me. I say that because most of the people who would can't, and because I will spend much of the time drawing and no one wants to sit around and wait while I draw. Well, that was a nice 20 minute break. Back to work, maggot! Current Mood:   Tired and stressed
|
posted by: Jeremy (reply)
post date: 04.25.05 (12:01 pm)
I wished you werent that stressed over one assignment. Think of all the good things and other good assignments in your life.
Something else will go here soon KSJS Radio Promotion
5 KSJS Drops